>> my life in conclusion..

salam to all readers..

=)

honestly, sejak aku kerja..

 i am a sole supporter of the family..

groceries, bills, etc. sume aku yg tanggung..

bukan nak berkira, but the way they talk to me like i'm a burden to them..

macam aku ni menyusahkan giler..

sakit hati tak?

dari ikhlas nak bantu, tetibe rase mcm terbantut dah..

yer..

niat aku nak kerja sebab nak support my family..

nama je anak no 4, but my responsibilities are like i'm the oldest here..

the truth is, maybe yes, sebab aku je yg paling tua yang tak kahwin lagi..

so, kahwin jom?

anyone?

actually, i have no intention of getting married because i'm afraid i will build a family with hatred like this.

yes..

you read it right..

hatred.

when you think family members are reliable, i need to think it hundreds time before asking for their help.

yup..

its not my fault that i think like this..

and no one should be blamed of this..

even though i want to blame someone..

it will end up i'm blaming myself for it..

when you think you have the biggest family problem in the world.

i want to let you know..

i have it all..

the worst part is, i can't even express myself about it, or else, i will be considered as anak derhaka.

what?

if you think be in my shoes is like a piece of cake..

and my life is normal..

you are wrong..

my life is not normal..

have you ever have the moment when you truly have no money, no food, nothing..

and just silently cry because of that?

i have.

many time..

kadang-kadang bende kecik-kecik je pun yang takde nye..

contohnye, nak masak ayam goreng..

ayam je yang ada..

garam, serbuk kunyit, minyak sume takde..

duit pun takde nak beli..

end up tak jadi ayam goreng pun..

jadi la ayam-masak-je-guna-barang-yang-ada..

itu ayam ada, dah kira syukur da at least ade gak lauk..

kalau takde lauk?

fikir sendiri..

teringat dulu time aku nak study..

tapi takde meja study pun kat rumah..

ok lagi..

masuk bilik, kene halau keluar sebab adik nak tido..

ok.. aku study kat luar..

baru je bukak buku, dapat arahan "tutup lampu, tak boleh tidur ni.. silau.."

okay..

memang aku pelajar cemerlang la kan bila aku boleh study dalam gelap cenggitu kan..

ini la sebab sebenar kenapa aku takleh study kat rumah..

sebab jadi bende mcm ni..

hateful, isn't it?

and they expect you to be excellent student in this kind of situation.

haha.. *gelak sinis

korang?

you have your own room, your own space..

and internet..

and you are whining tak tentu hala kata tak boleh study..

ok..

if you are in my shoes, will you hate someone like that?

now, dah kerja..

i want to cover all the part yg imperfect tu..

first thing first, the basic necessities in daily life..

sabun (baju, badan, shampoo, basuh pinggan, basuh jamban, etc.), beras, garam, gula, tepung, milo, susu, bawang, minyak masak, tisu dan sebagainye..

bende kecik-kecik je.. pada mata korang la kan..

but for me bende kecik ni kumpul-kumpul jadik besar gak..

it all cost approximately RM500 per month..

itu baru barang kering je..

not to mention barang basah - ayam, daging, ikan etc.

say thanks la kepada pakcik N yang korang pangkah hari tu..

kan..

semua barang naik harga..

aku dah cover part the very basic necessities tu..

but yet they still cakap aku kedekut?

berkira?

weyh.. kalau aku berkira sangat, tak mandi, tak makan la kau jawabnye..

bil air pun aku yang bayar..

itu baru berkira..

ini aku diam..

kau tuduh aku macam-macam..

sakit hati tak?

and..

do you want to be me?