mood swing..

salam to all readers..

apa khabar kalian semua?

semoga baik-baik saja..

saya?

entah..

kalau perempuan, tak sah kan kalau takde mood swing..

kejap-kejap happy..

kejap-kejap angry..

kejap-kejap stress..

kejap-kejap relax..

entah..

perempuan memang macam ni eh?

dia punya cycle, memang laju je berputar..

lagi-lagi bila time full moon..

macam serigala jadian pun ada jugak kadang-kadang..

hehehehe..

>> daily journal..

salam..

=)

i'm trying to keep daily journal..

note down every tiny little things happen in my life in a diary..

diary (book) - check

diary apps (phone) - check

but it always happen like this..

i'm not consistent about keeping a journal..

sad stories, instead of keeping it in journal, i keep it to myself..

and its gone..

when it comes back, it is usually the exact same thing..

boring kan?

happy stories, instead of memorized it, i let it be..

and now, only few good memories left in my head.

sadis nye..

sila konsisten tulis journal, cik liana...

>> my life in conclusion..

salam to all readers..

=)

honestly, sejak aku kerja..

 i am a sole supporter of the family..

groceries, bills, etc. sume aku yg tanggung..

bukan nak berkira, but the way they talk to me like i'm a burden to them..

macam aku ni menyusahkan giler..

sakit hati tak?

dari ikhlas nak bantu, tetibe rase mcm terbantut dah..

yer..

niat aku nak kerja sebab nak support my family..

nama je anak no 4, but my responsibilities are like i'm the oldest here..

the truth is, maybe yes, sebab aku je yg paling tua yang tak kahwin lagi..

so, kahwin jom?

anyone?

actually, i have no intention of getting married because i'm afraid i will build a family with hatred like this.

yes..

you read it right..

hatred.

when you think family members are reliable, i need to think it hundreds time before asking for their help.

yup..

its not my fault that i think like this..

and no one should be blamed of this..

even though i want to blame someone..

it will end up i'm blaming myself for it..

when you think you have the biggest family problem in the world.

i want to let you know..

i have it all..

the worst part is, i can't even express myself about it, or else, i will be considered as anak derhaka.

what?

if you think be in my shoes is like a piece of cake..

and my life is normal..

you are wrong..

my life is not normal..

have you ever have the moment when you truly have no money, no food, nothing..

and just silently cry because of that?

i have.

many time..

kadang-kadang bende kecik-kecik je pun yang takde nye..

contohnye, nak masak ayam goreng..

ayam je yang ada..

garam, serbuk kunyit, minyak sume takde..

duit pun takde nak beli..

end up tak jadi ayam goreng pun..

jadi la ayam-masak-je-guna-barang-yang-ada..

itu ayam ada, dah kira syukur da at least ade gak lauk..

kalau takde lauk?

fikir sendiri..

teringat dulu time aku nak study..

tapi takde meja study pun kat rumah..

ok lagi..

masuk bilik, kene halau keluar sebab adik nak tido..

ok.. aku study kat luar..

baru je bukak buku, dapat arahan "tutup lampu, tak boleh tidur ni.. silau.."

okay..

memang aku pelajar cemerlang la kan bila aku boleh study dalam gelap cenggitu kan..

ini la sebab sebenar kenapa aku takleh study kat rumah..

sebab jadi bende mcm ni..

hateful, isn't it?

and they expect you to be excellent student in this kind of situation.

haha.. *gelak sinis

korang?

you have your own room, your own space..

and internet..

and you are whining tak tentu hala kata tak boleh study..

ok..

if you are in my shoes, will you hate someone like that?

now, dah kerja..

i want to cover all the part yg imperfect tu..

first thing first, the basic necessities in daily life..

sabun (baju, badan, shampoo, basuh pinggan, basuh jamban, etc.), beras, garam, gula, tepung, milo, susu, bawang, minyak masak, tisu dan sebagainye..

bende kecik-kecik je.. pada mata korang la kan..

but for me bende kecik ni kumpul-kumpul jadik besar gak..

it all cost approximately RM500 per month..

itu baru barang kering je..

not to mention barang basah - ayam, daging, ikan etc.

say thanks la kepada pakcik N yang korang pangkah hari tu..

kan..

semua barang naik harga..

aku dah cover part the very basic necessities tu..

but yet they still cakap aku kedekut?

berkira?

weyh.. kalau aku berkira sangat, tak mandi, tak makan la kau jawabnye..

bil air pun aku yang bayar..

itu baru berkira..

ini aku diam..

kau tuduh aku macam-macam..

sakit hati tak?

and..

do you want to be me?

you!!

stop smiling like that..

you are killing me..

>______<

>> frustrated..

salam to all readers..

rasa macam nak tikam diri sendiri..

tu la..

sape suruh tak alert dengan phone..

huhuhu..

T_______T

ada company bg email dia dah ada orang fill in the position that i had applied last month..

and that same company had called me twice..

but well..

i'm tooooooooooooooooooooo dumb, not being by my phone side at that time..

and hoping that they will contact me via e-mail later on..

*the same case with my internship programme last year*

i really really really hate this feeling..

takpe la..

takde rezeki..

nak buat mcm mana..

kena usaha lagi ni..

insyaAllah everything will go well..

ameen..

......

tu la..

hari tu sombong sangat..

dengan confident giler kata tak nak..

sekarang..

apa jadi?

menggelabah cari sana sini...

:'(

eeeeiii...

cik liana ni suka taw..

menaruh harapan yang terlalu tinggi tapi bende tak confirm pun lagi..

=_="

>> so annoying!

salam to all readers..

=)

*post hari ni penuh emosi*

kepada pejalan kaki sekalian..

kalau dah tahu ade kereta tengah speed up, dan takde tanda-tanda nak berhenti..

takkan la tak reti-reti nak lintas jalan cepat-cepat sikit?

melenggang macam mak nenek.

boleh pulak kau gelak-gelak sambil jalan macam kura-kura.

kura-kura pun lagi laju jalan dari kau!

kalau aku lepas brek, memang kat hospital la kau jawabnya..

kepada abang-abang motor yang bajet handal selit menyelit..

agak-agak kalau nampak kereta bertampal P..

jangan la pulak nak sogok-sogok sondol kereta aku..

aku langgar karang baru tahu..

jalan dah memang jem, tak reti sabar ke?

tahu la terror bawak motor, tapi agak-agak la.

cis!

kepasa pemandu-pemandu berhemah sekalian..

sila la tengok kiri kanan sebelum keluar simpang..

lagi-lagi bila simpang kat bukit..

haish.. =_="

ni baru bab driving, da stress..

belum benda lain lagi.

argh!

aku sangat annoying dengan smua orang yang tak reti-reti nak sabar, tak reti nak jaga keselamatan diri.

pasal orang-orang yang mcm ni la banyak kemalangan berlaku.

grrrrrr....

>> honesty..

sometimes.

i find myself really annoying for can't being honest with someone.

just because i'm afraid they would hurt, so i keep the silence mode.

but if i tell it honestly, i'm really sure we can't continue being together.

i guess this is the major problem for those who are in relationship.

ehem.

cik liana is still single, okay.

but the main problem is..

why i feel like tell something honestly is not appropriate?

should i tell lie?

oh what the world i'm living in...

and i really hate this feeling thousand times.

finish!

>> exam week..

salam to all readers..

=)

this is how my bed looks like.. 

and this is how my desk look like..

kesian encik teddy asyik kena baling bawah katil..

tak pun ayik kene tumbuk atau cekik gara-gara cik liana sedang stress..

*aku rase ayat aku mcm makin gedik je*

cepat la habis exam.

aku nak grad.

dan cari duit.

nak beli rumah.

rumah sekarang mahal nak mampos ok.

plan 5 tahun dari sekarang: rumah teres 2 tingkat atas nama Norliana Khamis.

pergh..

semoga tercapai impian ini.

okay.

dah lari topik.

bye!

study liana study!!

>> past year paper..

salam to all readers..

=)

buat past year paper..

i consume 6 hours just for 1 paper (reserve)..

oh my reserve!

what happen?

almost all i can't really answer without refer back to notes.

asking a few people about the questions, almost all didn't do it yet.

or maybe don't know how to do it.

ya Allah..

help me...

hope everything will be fine.

yes.

everything will be all right.

just stay focus, relax, and continue to study with my own style.

bye!

p/s: craving for sweets. but i have no stocks. T_T

>> i kill you..

salam to all readers.

i don't know what happen to me.

last night, i dream of this.

i kill you..

yes.

i kill you with my own two hands.

with the tears flowing from my eyes.

i kill you.

with the regrets i have for ever being with you.

i kill you.

for every shattered trust that i have for you.

i kill you.

for every happy moments that i have with you.

i kill you.

for everything that happens between you and i.

i kill you.

you are my best friend.

but you are the one who turned me into a monster that i couldn't even believe it exist in me.

you find my weaknesses.

and yet you use it for your own benefit.

how cruel is that?

how i wish i could turn back the time.

to the time i will never have any reason to hate you.

to the time that we spent our days happily.

to the time i will never regret to be your friend.

but yet.

in my dream.

i kill you.

salam to all readers..

even if i worked hard too much, or too concern about something..

when suddenly once i feel like i don't want to do it anymore..

i wont do it.

even if i hate things too much.

when suddenly i feel like i want to do it.

i will do it.

even if i love things too much..

when suddenly i feel hate it.

i will hate it.

i will stop when i feel i want to stop.

i will do anything when i feel i want to do anything.

so, what is the point to keep going when i already know when the time has come, i will change my mind?

mood: depress *_*

>> aku fobia dengan penipu..

salam to all readers.

=)

terkenang zaman kat KMM dulu..

kitorang berlima satu geng.

ke kuliah sama-sama.

makan sama-sama.

study pun kadang-kadang sama-sama..

boleh katakan kamceng la kitorg berlima sekawan ni..

4 out of 5 of us duduk satu blok.

lagi la kamceng, kan?

but as time pass by..

one of us couple.

make herself away from us.

tu okay lagi.

yg paling tak ku sangka.

one of us adalah seorang penipu besar.

everything about her is a lie.

she lie about her family.

she lie about her health condition.

she lie about her education background.

and she even fake out a scene of death.

gila kan?

the thing is....

kitorang rapat.

tapi dia macam tak begitu nak bercerita heart-to-heart dengan aku.

mungkin sebab personaliti aku yg tak berapa nak amik kisah kot.

tapi kalau ko kawan aku, for sure la aku akan jadi kisah, kan?

one fine day.

everything is revealed by itself..

she ran away from the block..

but she ran towards our classmate room.

such a coincident, kan?

ataupun dia dah plan?

entah la..

bila semuanya terbongkar..

aku rasa macam tak percaya.

gila ke budak ni?

kenapa perlu tipu sana tipu sini?

kalau tak nak bercerita, takpe.

kitorg faham.

aku pun tak bercerita banyak pasal diri aku.

but at least aku tak mereka-reka cerita pasal family aku, pasal health, education etc.

yang paling aku sedih.

dia ada cerita dia dapat offer pergi oversea.

tp result SPM dia 6A je kot.

aku yg dpt 7A ni tak dpt offer mana-mana pun..

tahu tak aku menangis gila-gila bila aku balik bilik lepas dia cerita benda ni?

sedih la beb.

aku yg beria-ia nak gi oversea tp tak dpt offer..

dia dpt offer tp sebab family x bagi dia pergi, so dia cancel..

ko tahu tak aku MENANGIS gila-gila pasal benda ni?

tahu tak?

bila aku dpt tahu ko tipu aku.

perasaan benci tu datang bertubi-tubi.

tak payah la nak reka cerita yg boleh buat aku emo.

kalau tak dpt offer, meh la kita sama-sama menangis kenang nasib diri yg tak layak pergi oversea.

tak payah la buat aku rasa mcm aku je yg tak layak belajar kt sana.

one more scene yg aku masih ingat..

dia dtg kuliah dgn bibir yang berdarah.

aku tanya kenapa, dia tak jawab.

maybe aku ni pesen yg bila org dah tak nak jawab. malas la aku nak tanya banyak-banyak kali kan..

at last, one of our friend (the persistent type) tanya, and dia jawab.

ada org tak puas hati dgn dia..

can you imagine what happen?

she tell us they (her enemies) attack her.

oh no..

aku rase mcm geram, marah, dan sebagainya.

as a friend, aku rasa mcm aku patut jumpa dengan budak-budak yg attack dia tu.

*protective instinct*

tapi dia tak bagi.

dia kata tak payah nak kecoh-kecoh pasal hal ni.

so, aku tak buat ape pun la.

menjalani kehidupan seperti biasa.

bila terbongkar, rupa-rupanya dia sengaja menyakiti diri sendiri untuk mendapat perhatian kawan-kawan.

gila ke apa?

sanggup menyakiti diri sendiri?

memang mental budak ni.

pasal family pulak.

dia cerita kakak abang dia sume graduan oversea.

wah..

hebat kan?

tp bila kitorang selidik.

sume kakak abang dia belajar kat universiti tempatan je.

kenapa perlu tipu?

kalau taknak cerita, tak payah cerita la.

ni tetibe je mereka-reka cerita yang buat kitorg impress.

tp result ko tak impressive pun. *nada sinis*

yg pasal death scene tu..

dia tak buat depan mata aku.

tp dia buat dekat wing-mate aku.

*wing-mate: mereka-mereka yang duduk kat bilik yang satu row dengna bilik aku*

apa yg dia buat depan aku ialah dia pura-pura tak sihat.

nampak la rupa dia yang pucat lesi..

mcm tak cukup zat..

mmg nampak mcm org sakit.

sesiapa yang terkena dengan dia pasal death scene tu..

memang kesian dan memang menakutkan.

bayangkan..

keadaan seseorang yg tengah nazak tengah-tengah malam.

siap bacakan yassin dah kt keliling katil dia.

i wonder why her roomate tak panggil aku time dia 'pura-pura' nazak tu.

maybe sebab dorg tak ingt aku bilik mana kot..

nak cerita banyak.. 

memang banyak lagi.

tp cukup la aku cerita the important part je.

apa perasaan korang bila korang berada kt tempat aku?

aku dah jadi fobia dengan penipu.

sebab tu la bila aku dapat tahu org tipu aku, automatik aku akan ada perasaan benci yang teramat..

sesiapa yang terasa pernah menipu aku selama ni dan aku tak tahu pun kau tipu aku.

kau boleh dikatakan selamat daripada perasaan benci ini.

once i hate you, forever will hate.

i wonder why she didn't even apologized for what she did..

and i wonder am i able to forgive her?

>> 17 again..

salam to all readers.. 

=)

pernah tak korang terasa macam salah buat keputusan je?

terasa macam nak kembali ke zaman lalu?

zaman kegemilangan?

untuk aku, personally, aku rasa zaman kegemilangan aku adalah zaman matrikulasi.

everything is perfect during those days.

tension study tak sama mcm sekarang.

at some point, i wonder..

am i making the right decision of my life?

about taking this course?

why i want this course in the first place?

can i go back and change everything?

can i have the second chance to take the road not taken?

i wonder what i could change if i can turn to 17 again.

what is there i can do?

what is the things that i should accomplished?

why?

anyway..

no matter how i think about it.

the things that i do back then (when i was 17) was to make sure i am in this position..

right now.

as a UM student.

with CGPA 3.00++..

yes.

that was my aim back then.

if i can travel back, can i accomplished that once more?

i dont think i can.

what is the road not taken back then?

love.

yes.

i dont have a love story to share with.

is it worth to have a love story that could destroy my position in the future?

that was my priority thought when i was 17..

so what?

am i glad i'm not taken that path?

yes, i'm glad i'm not.

what is another road not taken?

be a rule breakers?

be a naughty girl?

what?

what?

the road i'm not taken is all the bad road.

so why i insist on to taking the road not taken now when i already know the bad sequences of that choice?

the only thing that i should do now is: to improve myself to be a better person.

not to impress someone, but to make me proud of myself even more.

just like how i proud with myself when i'm 17..

*literally, it doenst mean i'm boasting about it or what. it just enough that only myself is proud of it.*

"be confident, liana!"

"buat apa nak takut kalau benda nak jadi?"

that is 17-years-old-me that always saying to myself..

but what am i now?

"what if this happen? what if that happen?"

what if..

i always questioned myself with "what if...."

i can answer all the questions by myself, but all the answers are negative.

liana!

stop all this things..

and begin your day with the mind set:

I, NORLIANA KHAMIS, CAN DO ANYTHING!

>> benci

perasaan benci pada dia semakin membuak-buak dari hari ke hari..

AKU BENCI KAU!

salah ke kalau aku berharap hidup dia akan jadi lagi worst and worst and worst dari sekarang?

sumpah..

aku sangat benci dia..

>> takut..

salam to all readers..

persoalan yang selalu bermain di minda aku kebelakangan ini..

TAKUT..

kenapa aku sangat takut nak move forward ye?

kenapa aku takut untuk buat sesuatu?

kenapa aku takut untuk memulakan sebuah perjalanan dalam hidup?

kenapa takut?

kenapa?

kenapa?

kenapa?

>> mood exam..

salam to all readers..

=)

memang time-time nak exam la aku rasa aku makin gila dari hari ke hari..

hari ni terlupa bawak henpon pegi pejabat..

nice!

seharian tak pegang henpon..

tu okay lagi..

yang tetibe asyik nak tergelak sorang-sorang kat tengah-tengah orang ramai tu..

ape ke hal nye pulak?

siyes dari pagi sampai petang..

rase mcm 'ter' hyper active pulak..

senyum sesorang..

sengih tak henti-henti...

dok tahan gelak..

macam orang tak betul pun ada..

lagi best..

bila dalam lift sorang-sorang.. sengih-sengih and siap buat peace kat CCTV tuh..

sumpah tak de keje..

bila dah malam..

depan nota..

takde pulak nak tersenyum-senyum tersengih-sengih..

tibe-tibe terasa sayu je hati ni..

mengalahkan orang yang putus cinta frust nye..

uish......

ni dah macam tekanan emosi dah ni..

ni la tanda-tandanya hormon tak stabil tatkala exam makin dekat tapi belum habis study lagi..

ye..

ini la saya masa study week..

kira okay lagi la aku tak kacau orang lagi..

masih dalam keadaan terkawal..

errrr...

tapi kalau cakap sorang-sorang tu perkara biasa la kan..

kalau-kalau roomate aku terkejut, takut dan sebagainya sampai mengganggu emosi dia..

tu aku tak sure..

ok la..

bai!

maw study lagi nih..

(^_^)v

>>........

liana..

jangan terlalu pandang benda yang negatif boleh tak??

berduyun-duyun benda positif kat keliling ko..

why you still look the negative side??

WHY?

>> dengki mendengki...

salam to all readers..

=)

pernah tak dalam seumur hidup korang tak pernah dengki dgn orang lain??

pernah tak?

pernah tak?

jujur aku bagitahu..

aku tak pernah tak dengki dekat orang..

that means aku sentiasa dengki kat orang..

tak gitu?

eh..

ape ayat merepek aku tulis ni?

=_="

dengki..

satu perasaan yang sentiasa ada dalam hati ni..

bagaimana anda mengawal perasaan dengki anda?

ke arah positif atau negatif?

contoh paling best..

ade la sorang kawan aku nih..

pandai giler babeng la..

tanye je la ape je, sure dia boleh jawab punye..

so, ofkos la aku dengki ngan dia kan..

aku pun nak pandai jugak..

ye tak?

aku ade 3 cara nak beat kawan aku nih sebab aku memang dah dengki gila-gila dengan kejayaan beliau..

cara baik: study hard, fokus dalam kelas, buat latihan banyak-banyak..

yang ni dinamakan dengki positif.

sebab aku dengki gila kat dia, aku study..

walaupun result aku takleh beat dia pun kan..

at least aku punye CGPA ade peningkatan..

ye tak??

cara jahat: kita goda dia tak payah baca buku.. biar kita sorang je yang baca..

yang ni mmg tahap dengki busuk hati sume masuk sekali la..

tapi sedar tak?

kalau kita buat perkara ni, lambat-laun effect dia datang kt kita jugak..

kan??

cara jahat yang lagi extreme: pergi amik pisau, pistol atau segala jenis weapon..

bunuh je dia..

confirm..

perasaan dengki tu da xde sebab dia dah takkan jadi the best kalau aku ade.. *cis*

tapi perasaan bersalah la pulak datang menghantui..

hehehehe..

tu baru bab belajar..

bab-bab lain..?

baaaaaannyyaaaaaaakkkk wooo...

to my friend..

i want to make a statement here..

AKU DENGKI GILA DENGAN KAU!!

AKU NAK KEJAYAAN MACAM KAU JUGAK!!

tunggu aku di pintu kejayaan, ye sayang!

♥

apa-apa pun, sebenarnye..

mesej aku kat entry ni..

benda yang tak elok (dengki) pun boleh jadi elok kalau kita pandai kawal..

ye tak?

niat nak bust jahat, belum dapat dosa lagi..

tapi niat nak buat baik, walaupun tak buat lagi, dah dapat pahala..

terpulang pada diri sendiri la mcm mane nak kawal perasaan masing-masing..

lagi satu..

cuba fikirkan..

kenapa dia lagi hebat dari aku?

mungkin sebab usaha dia lebih dari usaha yang kita buat, kan?

fikir negatif, fikir positif..

mesti ada reasons kenapa Allah bagi dia kepandaian, kekayaan ilmu.. tapi kita takde..

ape reason nya?

tak payah fikir..

better for us to find our way to be a better person..

just like what we want to be..

peace!

(^_^)v